yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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