Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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