My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
a search helicopter?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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