we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
