Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
