you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize