How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
