I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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