Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Randomize
