I checked into jail on foursquare
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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