If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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