Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
