Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
