he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
