I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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