yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
