At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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