OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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