Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
