But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
did i just pee glitter
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