i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Is it because I queefed?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
