Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize