they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
