I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
