I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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