I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
