talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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