pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
