worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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