doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
