In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
