dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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