hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I could fuck to npr.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
