Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
