so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
