i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
