Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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