I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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