Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
