theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
organizing the empties. That sober.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
