I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
should my penis look like a turkey
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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