I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
