And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
