cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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