i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I supernannyed him into submission
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
