i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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