He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
