I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
