WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
