She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
