you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
