Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
