Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
