Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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