This is not my ceiling
farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
being pregnant is like rehab
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
