Why are handjobs necessary in class?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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