in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
