Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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