first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
