So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
