guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
