sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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