My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
