Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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