i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
