so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
