I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
