So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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