...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
