what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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