He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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