And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
