Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
