I just saw a hot homeless man
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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