I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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