You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize