she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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