Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
