I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
