Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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