Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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