Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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