i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize