I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
