if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
