I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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