dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
