just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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