Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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