there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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