He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just had sex bonerless
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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