She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
