How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
