I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
