But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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