I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
