now i know why i became what i already was.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
