You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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