I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
