the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
