apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This house was built for laser tag.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
