apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
