Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
