i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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