it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
