I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize