Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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