We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
