Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
