He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
