I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
