i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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