3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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