i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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