Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
