Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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